Don’t buy my story?? Buy my stuff!

I read that line on someone’s blog the other day and I loved it so much, I just had to… eeehm, quote it. The idea was very similar: Instead of just asking for donations, she sold her ‘stuff’, furniture, clothes.

Well, a few things have gone over the counter already – both via eBay as well as during our ‘Incredible India’ fundraising party. And I won’t sell quite everything but there is lots of things I am ready to let go off and some beautiful things I brought with me from my recent trip to India.

So buying things you might love as much as I do instead of donating for a good cause (though that’s more than welcome too) proved a great idea and so I am offering some more of my stuff on eBay.

Check out what’s for sale here. You can pay via any means stated on my eBay account or directly via betterplace. All proceeds go to our initiative The Glass Half Full.

And the count down is on…

The count down is on. Only 20 (!!!!!) days ’til I leave for India, 22 days ’til our boot camp starts, 68 days and the cycling begins. 154 days ago, I wouldn’t have dreamt of what’s to come. 153 days ago there was a spark, an idea, an inspiration.

Since then, there’s been countless hours of planning, writing, discussing underlying theories and questions, spreading the word, improving the concept and fundraising, fundraising, fundraising. Within 90 days we’ve raised well over 14.000 EUR – in cash or in-kind, not counting the priceless contributions like logo, website, training in our 1-month bootcamp and other things yet to come.

All of this is already covering 83% of our equipment needs!! We’ve got a top-notch HD video cam, 480 Euro for our respective health insurances, 960 Euro for my flight, 156 Euro for the Visa fees, 14 Euro for our Web Hosting package for the 1st year, 186 Euros for two mega-sized external hard drives to store our pics and films and documents and just today, 500 Euro came in from an anonymous contributor for cycling gear & tools.

Now it’s down to bicycles (something really big must be waiting for us with all the ‘thank you but no thank-you’ we’re getting on that one), camera accessories, mobile phone chargers & mounts for the bike, sleeping bags and thermo mats. Awesome!!!! As Trent zum Mallen said the other day: “You are awesome! We are awesome! Together we are even awesome!” And it’s simply for this reason that I dare to take the risk to jump into the unknown, to jump at the risk of (yet another) failure (???). To jump knowing there is an amazing bunch of people who believe in questioning assumptions, in looking deeper and in entering the rabbit hole.

Let’s make the glass half full!!

How to tell fear from excitement

The past weeks have been tremendously enriching my life. Actually, I feel like that for months already but it seems to get better every single day. And mind you, when I say better I in no way do I mean easier. I feel, therefore I am?? I am, therefore I feel?

Whatever it is, I’m growing in bounds and leaps. I used to not even notice how I’d treat myself to be a bonsai tree. You know, those little trees that have just all the potential to be big trees in their seeds but you cut and trim them in a certain manner so they keep a nice, non-threatening, contained size?? Stuck in a little bucket, with little nutrition??

And suddenly I see something else. Maybe, it’s not an oak. Fine. But how about a willow tree then? I always liked those. When we were children, my (step) sister and I used to get branches from them to ‘tame’ our invisible horses. They nearly bent double but it was pretty much impossible to break them. Willow trees often grow near the water. I like water, I like flowing things… Some people say they look sad. I think they’re romantic. They can hide lovers behind their branches often reaching all the way to the ground. Their lively green leaves are so tiny in comparison with other trees but for me, they convey the fresh, the spring, the new beginnings.

But at the end of the day, for all I know, I know nothing. I could be the willow, I could be the oak, I could even be a bonsai dreaming to be something else. But for now, I see a willow tree. So this bonsai with the seeds of a massive willow tree fell over earlier in the story of my life. The beautiful pot in which it was safely tucked away, broke. The willow bonsai fell on it’s side, helpless and shedding many tears over the pretty pot that was not repairable. It must have been lying there for some time since it lost some most of its leaves. The roots got weak and it didn’t care all that much anymore about the fellow trees whispering, the birds singing, the sun tickling it’s nose and the rain wanting to nurture it with some fresh water straight from the heavens.

Well, you can guess how the story continued… It feels like I always wanted to be an oak when i see an oak (it’s so amazingly strong), a mountain ash when I see a mountain ash (it was my mom’s favorite and its got these beautiful lush red berries) and a willow when I see a willow tree (reasons see above). Sure, it can be of advantage to see the ups in everything but we are what we are and there’s no reason to constantly look left and right in order to compare ourselves with others. Is the grass really greener on the other side?? Probably not and what, if it was?? It’s not your side, not mine. Maybe, I’ll never know if I’m a willow, an oak or a bonsai of some sort after all. Whatever it is, I decided I might as well enjoy all I am, all that I can give and all that is gifted to me and my existence.

Thank you to everyone and everything out there reminding me of the seeds I carry within and that every being on this earth has its place and importance!!

PS: So, what’s the difference between fear and excitement?? Sometimes, I still don’t know. And other times, I think it’s the decision you make about it. Because after all, physically speaking there is not much difference at all. Or none… Check it out for yourself one day!!

It’s granny time

Every single time I visit my 87-yr old grandma I love her a little more… A lot, actually. She’s the most amazing grandma I know, still living by herself besides being close to blind. She cooks, she bakes, she still makes the best cookies, her own delicious marmelades and yummie chutneys between the countless appointments she spends at doctors and in hospitals. She insists saving money for “bad times” and “the days I’ll be old”, which in reality is a code for not wanting to spend a cent of it but to leave it to us, her grand children. She goes on holidays in the hills with the few remaining friends and tells waiters off passionately when she thinks the food being served is crap. She even continues to look after her garden herself!!

Every time I’m with her I wonder how long I will have the pleasure of her company. And I guess, it’s for this consciousness of our times together being limited and therefore prescious that I suddenly don’t mind hearing the same stories over and over again. As a matter of fact, I nowadays make an effort of discovering a new detail in each one of them. And since doing that, I regularly hear bits & pieces I didn’t know. We laugh a lot more than we used to, we argue less and every time I come back from seeing her, I’m happy as Larry.

It hasn’t always been like this. I used to really want to go and see her regularly but all too often I pushed it out by another week, another month. Too busy, too important the other things I was doing… Funny, I catch myself thinking. What’s the difference that made the difference? Am I doing work that’s less important now? Do I care less for the vision I chose to mobilize energy for? Or is it the fact that I am blessed with working alongside a business partner who’s focused on the purpose behind our project rather than the all-too-common results orientation??

My old patterns of distress still raise their ugly head. But I choose family affairs, time with friends, my health and happines more often than “work” matters these days when thinking time doesn’t seem enough for it all. I read the notes from Kalyan’s encounter with Prof. Venkat R. Krishnan who teaches transformational leadership using the Upanishads (see http://awalkonthetangent.com/?p=82) and I dare saying “yes” to my happiness, to my needs and wants – sometimes based on a whim, sometimes not. But what’s best of all, her happiness is mine, my happiness is hers. And here I am back at my desk, smiling and content, productive and recharged… Thank you, granny!!! Thank you, K.!!

In a blink

It’s past 2 am and as so often these unusually hot and humid Berlin summer days I wake up in the middle of the night. I decide to read a little more in the book Blink I had started earlier this evening. Written by Malcolm Gladwell, the author of Tipping Point, it talks about the power of thinking without thinking, the beauty of knowing when to trust our snap judgment. And when not…

I reminds me of the night of my arrival in Delhi after one of those long train rides typical for traveling through India. I had phoned the hotel where I wanted to stay just ahead of arriving, only to be told that no rooms were available. Surely no problem, I thought, packed my stuff and went over to the carriage with Israeli fellow traveller Yonathan and newly made Indian friends. Little Abhi grabbed my hand and clung to it all the while unboarding the train and walking through the incredibly crowded train station that had put me in a state of freeze when I had arrived there for the first time only three weeks ago. Abhi’s beautiful mother spoke softly but vehemently to her husband who then ‘delivered her decision’ that I was to come along to dinner. As well… They already had invited Yonathan to eat with them on his way out to the airport – en route so to speak… Another complete stranger to them, just as I was. The dinner invitation got extended to stay for the night and eventually all the five nights I’d be in Delhi. Within days I was fully integrated into the family with three kids, a teenage nephew and the parents who – after many years of fighting for their love – got married to each other by choice.

It turned out the home stay of my life, a ride on the cultural roller coaster with all its challenges and intensity. Visitors came and went, everybody wanted a piece of me, we went sightseeing and to the amazing hustle & bustle markets of Delhi town, I danced around the house to Bollywood tunes with youngster Abhi, played Doodle with the younger daughter (when the parents didn’t look), let the elder one chat from my phone, cooked with the mom, debated with the father and ate, ate, ate. Going out for my meetings was met with faces dropping inadvertently and saying ‘thank you’ or ‘please’ was incredibly rude. When I got them a tiny farewell present chosen with much love to express my eternal gratefulness, they got seriously upset. They had just done their duty, so why would I thank them?

This hospitality – the guest is God – shows itself in open doors everywhere and in a curiosity that we Europeans often confuse with nuisance. It’s a life lead by simplicity without being afraid that what they have (or not) and who they are (or not) is not good enough for the rest of the world. It’s these people that despite not understanding my choices and lifestyle (noops mam/sir, I’m not married; no, I don’t have kids; yes, I really am 40 yrs old and not a student) welcome me, ask simple yet powerful questions and force me ever so gently to re-think everything I once learnt to accept as ‘the norm’.

Many people back in Germany later asked me if I wasn’t scared to just go home with perfect strangers. If I wasn’t?? Huhh?? What about them?? It was the week of persisting terrorist threads and for all I know I could have been the lunatic…

I realized I had started to trust my heart to make decisions again. And so did they, in a blink… Reading the book drove consciously home what I had always suspected: We don’t need tons of information to make a decision. Forget about the endless ‘getting-to-know’ game. We have the ‘power of the blink’ and if we listen deep enough, if we refuse to give in to presumptions and see people, life and things for what they really are… Geez, we’d have some serious time to spare. Wouldn’t that be nice for a change??

Das Leben hat mir Angst gemacht/Life has frightened me

It’s Sunday and I’m at a matinee. Rainer Thielmann reads poems from his new photo book ‘Indien von Innen’ (India from Inside). It’s some 37 degrees outside, not much less inside the lovingly restored Palais Am Festungsgraben here in Berlin-Mitte.

His poems transport me back to India in no time. I see the beautiful images where even the poorest soul still looks amazingly calm and peaceful. Of course, the pictures are a selection carefully directed. But careful with what purpose? Of romanticizing the lifes of the poor? I don’t think so. Rainer Thielmann portrays it all, you literally smell the garbage and choke from the petrol-ladden air on the streets of Delhi. But you also hear the laughter of the children wanting to be photographed, the wisdom of the brahmins he met and the bells of the temples he’s entered.

And there it suddenly is again. This knot in my throat. I’m trying to push my tears back… I know this feeling. I don’t always know where it’s coming from and what is causing it but I know it… I don’t like it at all. It makes me feel vulnerable, weak, out of control, a loser.

Rainer keeps going, I swim in and out of focus on his performance and my day dreams. And suddenly it dawns on me. I’m jealous. I’m jealous of the happiness, the peace and calm these people convey. I’m jealous of the curiosity, openness and hospitality that seems so characteristic for Indians. How come all humans are born curious and peaceful, open-minded, full of love and trust (at least that’s what I believe) and only in some regions in the world a large proportion manages to remain like that throughout life? How come in Western countries we so often believe we know it all, wanting to teach everyone our way? And how come, in so called developing nations people soak everything in, ready to absorb anything of use to them no matter where it comes from? (All my assumptions beside, there is tendencies!) And India is a great example of being such a humangous sponge that takes in everything and – rapidly or slowly – digests and discards anything unhelpful for their very own way. They love their cricket regardless of the fact who brought it there. Many rather speak English than learning Hindi. They even bought Jaguar away from the British. They might be slow to catch on but they’re unstoppable once moving! They’re just not afraid. Not of life, not of poverty and less even so of wealth. Not of foreigners and not of failure. And that’s what I want.

Das Leben hat mir Angst gemacht (Life has frightened me), I am thinking. And then I ask myself: has it really? Slowly, my tears subside. I am fine. Just bring it on!!

The FLYER experience

I’m converted!! I admit to adding yet another addiction to my life. Ok, I think this one is a rather healthy one, not the worst one to have at all. I’ve just started to read a book by a like-minded addict and he insists it’s just a choice of lifestyle, good for me!! It’s about enjoying the flow and ease of things rather than having to work hard before you get something back in return. That’s right. It’s about fun?! And so far I didn’t think biking was so much about fun. I like biking. I like seeing nature pass by rather slowly, the ability to stop anywhere, no need for gas stops and certainly no dependency on public transport infrastructure. But gee, do I hate the idea of mountains mounting up IN FRONT of me. Nothing to say against them once I’m up there but do I really have to get up first to have the pleasure of flying like the wind when it’s time to go downhill?? Now, imagine that all the while carrying luggage for 180 days of cycling, conferencing, cycling, conferencing, more cycling – or as Kalyan would say ‘traveliving’ across all the states of India??

Fast forward to 6.45 pm on sunny Friday afternoon – the day of having found MY preferred solution (sorry Kalyan, not sure I will have it any other way!!). I’m tired but so happy I came all the way into this toy-like land of Emmentaler cheese where even the German they speak here sounds like out of the old folk movie ‘Heidi’. The day started with the fact that we had completely underestimated the size of Huttwil where the Biketech AG produced its whopping 27.000 FLYER bikes last year. It just sounds so cute: Huttwil. Well, it was a long way through the town to the factory and headquarters of Biketec AG, which produces the Flyer bikes. When Peter Heller from Canopus Foundation and I finally arrived at reception of the factory Anita Glauser received us with a big smile on her face. We were invited to help ourselves to one of the drinks and then the tour of these still rather new premises (and already reaching maximum capacity) began. We started with talking about the Folks on Spokes project and the requirements for the bikes, which we will use to clock the 12.000km in 180 days through rural India. She showed us the bikes she recommended and explained the whole FLYER concept: a bicycle on which you can increase the impact you have whilst pedaling through an electro motor by 50-150%. Imagine that!!! You pedal just normally but are basically lifted up any hill nearly effortlessly. We tested one bike each from the X and S series for a 10km ride around the villages in the area, through forest, fields and on roads and we were both hooked. At first we didn’t quite dare going all the way to the max, especially up hill in the midst of the forest on a trekking path but once we worked out the different kind of gears, brakes and other well-thought parts we got more brave with every minute. I took the bicycle to 38,6km/hour on a straight road in the highest modus with 150% and still did small hills without the assist-modus at all. But most of all I loved the experience in the rough conditions. The only question remaining is how much effort it takes to ride this rather heavy machine when the battery packs are empty. The bikes have a light weight aluminum frame, which doesn’t take anything from its robustness (and yes, Kalyan, I can lift that with one hand but the motor with it’s 2,6kg and the necessary ‘surrounding parts’. Lucky for me, Peter assisted with all the good questions regarding the make of the bikes and I listen to this new language with my ears wide open. Will I be able to cope when something goes wrong? What’s the must-knows I better pick up quickly, what’s the repairs we possibly have to do ourselves on the road and what the parts we’d better carry with us in rural India?

However, the tour convinces me, convinces us – both, Peter and I have this glow in our eyes and happy grin on the face that I’m sure the Biketec staff sees again and again. This is the right bike concept for our tour through India, I’m sure. It puts in far closer reach what I doubted so far: that I am physically able to do this trip. Sure, we can use trains or buses for the longer distances but the bike is the core vehicle of the trip and even though I like riding them, I hardly ever did more than 60-80km in a day. And that was in my good times, when I was much younger – and fit. And yet, this doubt is precisely what causes my motivation to get strong again, to overcome the last effects of the burnout suffered last year and to put zest & passion back into my life. It’s fueling fear and motivation at once. But FLYER bikes, they’d really make it possible. If only the calculation on the weight we can take with us, holds. I don’t think we can take 2-3 extra battery packs, each of them weighing 2,6kg plus a 500g recharger, plus a mountain of spare parts. We’ll see.

But there is other reasons to opt for these bikes. When Ms Glauser showed us the production facilities and explained the standards it was built to and the philosophy behind it, we were even more impressed. Already upon arrival we saw the solar panels on the roof and I discovered that they used rainwater in their toilets. But there was so much more to it, the way the production line was thought through to make it less straining and boring for their workers, the materials they use and much, much more. It’s just in line with the whole purpose of our trip, which at the end of the day is so much more than just an adventure. When Ms Glauser drives us back to the station so that we’ll make it for our train in time, we’re both duly impressed. I immediately immerse myself in the literature Ms Glauser kindly provided us with, amongst them the diaries of a young Swiss fellow who toured half of Europe on a FLYER bike and neatly summarized his experiences with all the products and materials used in a great little book.

And there they are again, the doubts… Are we crazy? Are we dreamers? Yes. So what?? We’re going after paradigm shift, we might just as well shift the means we use to do so. We will do this, so much is for sure. So the question that remains is on the ‘how to’. The decision to go on this journey is made. And its irreversible!

A promise remembered…

It’s Saturday and one of those mornings that feels as if I still could slip back into depression and lethargy. It’s weekend and there are no urgent things I HAVE TO attend to. Sure, there is many very useful to-do’s on my list, there is washing and shopping to be done, there is a family get-together (more precisely consisting of siblings, their wifes, husbands and children) later today. But no energy for any of that… Not interested in life today. Just wanting to hide under the duna, cover all my doubts and questions with sleep. Have I been kidding myself? Has nothing changed after all? Am I still unable to face a day as soon as there is no pressing need to perform???

As I sink deeper and deeper into darkness I suddenly remember the poem Kalyan sent me when I left India. After reading it at an airport lounge in Muscat I cried for a good while. It was the kind of tears that release tension, questions not asked, answers well-known deep down in my heart. And so I replied: I accepted a promise and made it my own. And it was the memory of this very promise – my promise – that finally got me out of bed this morning. Because “it’s our choices that drive the continuum, results are just points discreet”.

And so I relax… It’s Saturday after all and a decision about one of those unspoken questions that caused a knot in my heart is made, I’m back in integrity with myself. And I know, all I have to do is to remember these words…

A promise

when hands clap without a sound, and eyes blink without a tear
when every hope breeds doubt, and every dream shrinks in fear
when there’s no such thing as a simple answer, and not much to do but cry
when the breeze suffocates you and the rain leaves you dry
know that you’re not the only one, there’ve been many on that path before
it allows no exception, you’ve gotta swim the tide before you get to the shore
you’re never going down, you just have to sometimes walk a steeper incline
one step at a time, will get you home in time, and then it’ll all be fine

who gives a damn how hard you run, for what or who you beat
it’s your choices that drive the continuum, results are just points discreet
know it when you see it, choose it when you know it,
do it when you choose it and say it when you do it
when do you know enough to jump the cliff
when do you know enough to figure out how
when do you know enough to quit wondering what if
when do you know enough to know it’s got to be now

your choices will not change the world one bit, you’re the only one that gains
as you fill your emptiness, out grow your shame, and heal through your pains
choose, do, have fun and die, don’t bother about how they’ll judge you
you won’t be around to know, and those that judge will soon be ash too
no one needs your tears, no one cares if you laugh or cry
no other beating heart beats for you, it’s on your own that you rely
it takes you as far as it does, and then despite all your plans, you simply die
you and all that’s yours, everything, without an exception, go with that sigh

you never know where you’re going, till you get there, despite what you think
and when you do get there, all you’ll do just once forever is breath and blink
so my friend, when it’s all got to end not so dramatically, what should you live for
just do the journey, ‘cos living is the only way to figure out what you should live for
somewhere between too early and too late and between too near and too far
you find something to die for, and finding something to die for is what you live for
don’t be in a hurry to get there, take your time to make space for memories
‘cos before the last blink, nothing else brings you a smile if not your stories

i write this for myself as much as i write this for you
am too old and too fuckin wise to wish it all just for you
now here’s a promise i want us to make for those days
when we just dream ahead and look back proudly at our ways
let us, the bunch of friends, roll the nonsense and smoke up
watching the sunset, listening to silence, with no plans to sum up
have a beer in our hands, and some air in our lungs
stories in our heart, and a few words on our tongues!

A promise accepted

Outgrowing my shame and fear not to find the right words, I accept the challenge.
My eyes are still blinking with tears but from the joy of having met all these wonderful beings, having met you.
Every doubt is now breeding stubbornness to overcome it, to challenge how far I can go.
There may be even no answers after all. It does not make a difference.
Because it’s our choices that drive the continuum, results are just points discreet.
I’m daring to choose what I sense is right only for me, only at this minute perhaps.
Because I know I can do it. 
I know what and who I beat for again. Nothing has changed and everything has.
Yes. It’s enough to jump off the cliff.
Wondering what if transformed into planning how to. Because there is no other time than now.
I might be old and yet not have wisened up. But I won’t let the breeze suffocate me or the rain leave me dry. I will feel the breeze carrying me and the rain wash away any doubts.
Better even, I might exchange the rain for a waterfall so strong that not a single doubt has much of a chance to cling around for long enough to stop me.
Keep challenging me, my friend. I might just be up for it.
Because I would wish for nothing more than a beer in our hands, good stories to share in front of your loghouse built

Thank you, Kalyan, for allowing me to share this with the world!!

Did I really say this??

My time in Delhi was dedicated to meeting some of the best leaders and change makers India’s capital had on offer and I was looking forward to them answering some of my remaining questions regarding the future of social entrepreneurship. But at the end of the day it was the unexpected encounters, which answered most of these questions I had in mind. And suddenly there was no more searching, my ideas, my plans but also my doubts, insecurities – everything started flowing again with ease…

My first meeting with 32-year old Kalyan Akkipeddi, founder of the Indian based non-profit Integreater was on Friday, the 7th of May. When Kalyan finally arrived at our meeting point outside a McDonalds (!!!) he greeted me with a smile that would make you think you are finally catching up with a long lost friend. Lucky for me, McDonalds quickly dropped of the list of possibilities where to have the meeting and we proceeded to a fantastic restaurant just a few doors up. When entering that place none of us realized that we would be talking more than five hours straight, all the while sampling delicious South Indian food and drinks but certainly not enough to make the restaurant owner happy. Nonetheless, the waiters kept their friendly cool regardless of how often we declined their offer for further orders until it eventually got so busy that they needed our table for people who actually did want to eat. Until then, we talked about our dreams and aspirations, the paths we had chosen to leave and the ones to walk, the lessons we had learnt along the way. 

We discovered many similarities and mutual interests like the fact that we both had left well-paying career paths to start a foundation. But boy, was there lots of differences too. This young man swept me of my feet with this contagious passion that puts a glow in his eyes when he speaks about his journeys through India (I know I have that glow, sometimes…) yet a wise calm that just doesn’t want to go with his young age (I do not posses that quality, unfortunately…). He is self assured (am showing signs of that on and off) without seeming arrogant (no comment), sensitive (without my tendency to get lost in those sensations), a strategist who has what it takes to implement and most of all he is ONE-HUNDRED-PERCENT in integrity with himself – a true leader who I trust to always act on his word. If you’d hear his mind-blowing story of being home-schooled by his school’s rector, high-flying to corporate success with the likes of Hyundai and GE as a strategist, his ways of traveling through truly incredible India or the health scare that ultimately led him to get serious about his initiative ProtoVillage, you’d be likely to be as impressed as I am.  

I am not sure what exactly happened that evening but suddenly we were in the midst of planning a social adventure unheard of…. The fight against poverty put from its head back onto the feet. Wohow, what’s happening here I thought to myself? Did I really just say “I want to do this” when Kalyan mentioned how in a perfect world he’d like to go on yet another trip to systematically map the social landscape of rural India?? For at least 6 months covering all the states of this vast country?? I did… And even though it was one of those spontaneous comments without any control over the words I blurted out, I meant it from the bottom of my heart. I immediately recognized the sensation it was accompanied by. It was the same when I had the idea for a network by & for social entrepreneurs resulting in a cooperation by the name of self. And it was the same when we decided to start Hub Berlin: I cannot not do this… This is it… I’ll have to at least try regardless of the outcome… This wants to come into being and I want to co-facilitate its birth. 

Oh no, I thought. Out the window my plans to start a hub-like retreat with a nomadic twist at the seashores of Goa or in the mountains of Dharamshala (not for too long though as I was soon to discover). Out of the window my resolve to stay away from the ‘scene of social innovators’ (ok, I was never sure I’d pull that off). Out of the window comfort and ease… 

Ok, ok. I admit, there is many obvious reasons why I would want to embark on this journey. I love adventure, I am a nomadic soul after all, I had deeply fallen in love with India and Indian people and was wondering about ways to explore the ‘true’ India. And what a better reason to get a 100% fit again than the one of shifting the fight against poverty from a problem-solving approach to a vision-oriented one based on an opportunity? What better way of combining personal objectives with meaning? And what better way to once and for all confront my fear of living fully, of being capable to face life no matter what? 

What started as casual curiosity in another’s dream and a conversation about a pressing need to be addressed soon became a real commitment. Five days and many productive meetings, meals and (some) beers later a vision and a rough sketch of our project were complete. I only came to truly realize this much later, but in fact there is only two other persons in my life that ‘make me’ want to be the very best I can, who hold me accountable in such challenging ways, painful at times but propelling me to push myself where otherwise I’d give in. And that are just fine with handling me in all my states including my dark and my weak sides. The never ending questions and pointing out what I was doing and how caused a consciousness in my choices, thoughts and actions that I had not been accustomed to. Had I forgotten this way of being in the past few years of busy-ness?? I didn’t always but I sure pushed it into the background… 

And so, what we have coined “Folks on Spokes – pedaling for change” since then, has come into being. The first friends have joined our Facebook page, some already offered their support. And I am finally  being productive again, focussing on what needs to be done instead of fighting with my shortcomings…. I am exercising to get fit, I am traveling to enrol people in our cause, I am learning (too little) Hindi and I am testing how far it is I can possibly go…. The end of poverty, perhaps?? Until then let’s celebrate the wonders the coming-together of passion, purpose and capability induces in us and the world around us. 

A social adventure is born

Am on the plane to Paris. Yes, I know. A plane!! Can one still openly admit to go on a plane when there is trains or other options?? There is so much to consider these days. Do we ever have a full picture to make good decisions? No, of course not. But that’s not the best excuse, I guess, is it?? In this case there was the option of buses (sold out), trains (costing double the already expensive plane ticket) and yeap… bugger, the airplane. But hey, to my defense: apparently trains aren’t even that eco-friendly after all and silly me, here I was proudly giving my preference to this medium as much as I can. They’d use too much electricity (and not even green one for that matter) I am told. And that even cars would have a better footprint than trains when traveling with at least 3 people in it (can that be true???).

Anyway. I have taken the plane. And paid the few Euros extra for countering the effect I am causing and reacting by replanting a couple of trees, what a joke!! So go on and scold me, I deserve it… But… I wanted to tell a different story.

I am on the plane to Paris and due to a huge delay to reasons no one would let us know about I have time to pause and reflect. I’ve been back from my 3 months in India for 3 weeks now and have barely been by myself or even at home in Berlin. I am thinking to myself, has nothing changed??? Am I doing ‘this thing’ again?? Running, doing, keeping myself busy around the clock. No, replies the other voice in my head calmly (by the way: how many voices do you have talking to you???) and I am feeling instantly relieved. Because it’s true. I’ve been busy but it’s the kind of being busy that not only gives me energy and reasons for being, it’s a busy-ness that calms me down, that makes me smell the roses along the way, that requires me to get fit & healthy again, one that sees me connect with mother earth more than with my natural preference, the sky.

What happened?? After a year and some of more or less complete break-down in all dimensions of what used to be my life, I am coming to (my) senses again. I am processing what happened to my baby self, the Social Entrepreneurship & Leadership Foundation I had started to dedicate my time to upon my return to Germany in 2004. Confronting the early success and then utter failure of Hub Berlin, our way of expressing the need for different spaces to work and live in.

Pioneers at work, many people involved said. Trial and error needed so badly in times where we know the old ways don’t work anymore but the new paths aren’t built yet. Sure. But how are we prepared for dealing with failure??? What is failure in the first place? What does it mean to fail and I’m not just talking about financial consequences. Funny enough, those ones hit me hard but far from the hardest. It’s the make-up that’s gone, the facade that’s broken, also called sense of identity. What am I if all this I identified with so strongly is no longer? Who am I???? Does the failure make me a bad person? Was I a good one before? Was I trying to be one? Who do I, did I want to be? And what made me risk my health in such way in the first place??

There was a lot of questions and few people with the time to figure answers out with me (to the ones who were and are there, I’m eternally grateful and you know damn well who you are!!!). And at the end of the day nobody can walk our path for us anyway. We have to do it ourselves. And so, after a long time of just feeling completely and utterly useless, unable to move even in the most physical sense, unable to make even the simplest decisions, I started making decisions again. For myself, for the things I had accepted responsibility for, for every day living, for a way forward.

I decided against going to hospital, against the advice of concerned doctors and therapists who wanted my best. I decided for a return to ‘Incredible India’, which had startled me and taken my heart right at Mumbai airport during my first visit in November/December 2009. Until that moment of crossing the river between being a patient, a victim or at cause, between temptation and desire, doubt and decision, nothing seemed possible to achieve anymore, not even the smallest things. But once the decision was made, a wobbly but reassuring sense of inner knowing what’s right for me returned immediately. Also, synchronicity started making appearances in my life again – those wonderful coincidences that give you the feeling that the whole universe conspires to support you (Wikipedia says: Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated occurring together in a meaningful manner. To count as synchronicity, the events should be unlikely to occur together by chance.)

I decided to give myself as much time as I needed to recover and I took it. Two months and a half later, having lived the simple life that the beaches of Goa and mountains at the foothill of the Himalaya invite, I still didn’t have answers to my questions. I had recovered physically, threw away all the medication prescribed (I hope my doctors don’t read this) and slept like a baby. I had dreams and visions, I had ideas for new projects and businesses. But noops, no answers to my questions. What next, what now?? My visa was running out, my money spent and no immediate income in sight, not to mention the debt I’d run up to invest in the Hub. I should freak, I thought to myself. But I didn’t. Were the Kundalini Yoga classes finally paying off? Or was I just being careless, reckless, irresponsible, having fallen into the trap that some of my friends feared so much – had I lost any sense of reality in the paradise that Goa and Dharamshala had become for me??

So more decisions to be made??? Yeap, indirectly so but probably not in the sense we might usually go about it. I decided to try and play with a strategy that’s been suggested to me by Human Design specialist Jeevan in Bhagsu. Apparently, my ‘design’ is such that I’m far better off acting in response to whatever the universe wants to tell me, invite me to, keep me from. Looking back at times when I was in deep integrity with myself, having all the energy of the world to do what I wanted to do, that rang true. More so, that’s the kind of philosophy behind everything we wanted to do with self and the Hub Berlin. So I decided to be game and take it on for a week with everything I would do. No activities purely initiated by me, listening instead to what wanted to emerge. Boy, was that hard… Won’t bore you with the details but it turned out a crazy week that saw me bond deeply with people in ways that would surely have you think I’ve gone completely mad. And it was that week that I left Dharamshala and went to Delhi. Delhi, the only place in India I thoroughly despise with every fibre of my being. And Delhi, the place where my world fell back into place again…

Why?? How so??? What happened there??? Well, I’m afraid you gonna have to be patient for a little while. Our aircraft is finally reaching its destination and time on the computer has come to an end for today. But here’s a hint: ‘it’ – the social adventure that was born on the 7th of May 2010 in Delhi has something to do with bicycles, with rural India, with the theme of eradicating poverty being shifted from a problem-solving approach to an opportunity-oriented one. It involves a vagabond life for another good while and it’s even got a (nomads) hub built into it.

Can’t wait till the next blog entry? Well, you could become a Fan of our Facebook Page Folks on Spokes already now… It’s just been created and its content will grow over the next weeks and months to come. BE A PART OF THIS SOCIAL ADVENTURE TOO!!!!